My sister. Oh, my sister. What are you doing? What are you thinking? Are you thinking at all???
Here's the background: My sister is very self-centered. She was always a "problem child", beginning when I was born - she was seven, had had my parents to herself all her life, and now they were daring to pay attention to someone other than her? NO WAY. It sounds funny now, but believe me it wasn't, when she would tell the babysitter she was taking me for a walk only to leave me somewhere and run off with her friends. Or, the time I was 3 years old and she told me she was teaching me to climb a tree. She lifted me into the tree (in the forest, we lived near the woods, with actual bears living there), told me she'd be back "in a minute", and left. Was at home eating a sandwich when Mom got home from work, asked the sitter where I was, the sitter realized my sister was there and I wasn't (she'd told the sitter I was sleeping, and the sitter never bothered to check - teenagers in the 70s, man), and they asked her and asked her where I was and she "couldn't remember". They finally found me, hours after I was first left in the tree, crying and covered in insect bites. I don't remember much after that, and my family never talks about it.
Anyway. My sister. Let's call her "A.", because that's her first initial.
A. is not only self centered, she's incredibly smart, but has no common sense.
She was 14 when she first started dating B. They dated for three years, we moved away and they broke up because long distance at 17 doesn't quite work. In the two years we were away, she ended up dropping out of school, doing whatever drinking/drugs she wanted (yes my parents tried to help her but her attitude was "I hate you and your fucking rules so fuck off" - she would accuse my dad of abuse, when he never raised a hand to her except once when she had attacked my brother with a knife in her hand) and when my parents finally kicked her out because she was a threat to my younger brother and I, she ended up getting pregnant by some guy. This actually got her to stop drinking and doing drugs so she moved back in with us, and then our family moved back to the area where B. lived. She had her son a couple of days after her 20th birthday. She and B. started dating again. They got married. They had two more kids (total: 3). Then her husband left when the oldest was 13 for reasons I don't really know (aside from the fact that he was cheating on her, and she finally told him to just stay gone - finally, something smart).
Her attitude toward parenting: If our parents had rules about something, then she wouldn't force her kids into following those rules.
So:
They don't have to go to school/do homework if they don't want to.
Bedtimes? Curfews? Pshaw!
Smoking? As long as they share their cigs with mom!
Does the 16 year old want to have his girlfriend move in? SURE! Stay in the same bedroom? Why not?
Drinking? Hey, as long as they're not arrested, it's all good!
My parents have co-signed her mortgage, gotten out loans for her, etc., because when her husband left, she "got depressed" and hasn't worked since. Her doctors and psychiatrists say she should be back at work, so insurance won't pay her - so she's on welfare. Our parents wouldn't do any of this for her, if it weren't for her kids, by the way.
Anyway. One thing I've found with her is that emotionally or mentally? something like that? She started dating B. at 14, and that's where she stayed. She doesn't know how to be in a relationship, really, aside from having sex.
A couple of years ago, after B. had left, she met a guy online, through mutual friends. After one week of talking online (never having met), they were telling each other "I love you" and "We're going to get married someday". He came to visit her (it was a long-distance thing - about 4 hours apart) and they were fuckin', right away. Like, screaming, yelling, sex. With her (at the time) 9 year old daughter in the next room. I got many phone calls that week from the daughter asking me if she could sleep over at my place because "Mom and D. are loud at night and I can't sleep". And one day, my niece was there, and my sister came in and said "Can't you go to a friend's place? I'm horny!"
So A. and D. dated for a year. A. actually went back to work because he said that he wanted her to be better and working on herself before they could get married. Then he dumped her, because he didn't like the long distance thing. Once again, she stopped working, started staying up all night and playing runescape or some other video game. Ignoring her kids. Doubling and tripling her doses of antidepressants.
Now before anyone reading this (no one's reading this, I know) gets up in arms - I believe that people should have access to pharmaceuticals to help them with mental illness. I believe that depression and anxiety are very real afflictions. I myself have been through a major depressive episode, and it was no picnic. The medications helped me. And then, I weaned myself off them (with my doctor's help) and today, I'm no longer depressed and no longer on effexor.
What I don't believe is that people should continually self-diagnose ("I'm bi-polar!" "I have OCD!" "I'm agoraphobic!"), make up symptoms because they read an article online, and con their GP into giving them more and more anxiety/depression meds, and then refuse to see a psychiatrist because they know the psych. will say "Actually, no, you shouldn't be taking all this stuff".
So for the past 2 years or so, since she and D. broke up, A. has been miring herself in a fog of cigarette smoke, antidepressants, and staying up all night playing on the computer and sleeping all day. Her kids (the oldest's 19 now, has no ambitions, the middle boy is 16, same thing, and the youngest is 13 and can barely read because "school isn't important") have basically been fending for themselves. She never cooks, their house is a mess, she collects cats like they were going out of style (at one point they had 18 cats living there. My brother went over and took all but 3 to the Humane Society because you couldn't walk into that house without dying from the cat piss smell).
And then along comes R.
R. is a guy who my sister went on one date with back when she was 15 (during a time when she and B. had broken up for two weeks). He took her to her 10th grade prom. The problem was, he was 20. My parents wouldn't let them date, because there is a huge difference between 15 and 20. She never mentioned him again, especially after she and B. got back together.
It's 24 years later now, and two months ago she found him again on Facebook. He lives 3/4 of the way across the country and he's divorced now, too.
Well guess what? They're IN LOVE! They've been talking on MSN every day! Our parents tried to keep them apart but now they've been foiled! Her MSN taglines are getting more and more ridiculous by the hour. The latest? "You know what true love is? Not being able to sleep at night because reality is so much better than your dreams".
Except? This isn't reality. This is some rewriting of history. She says our father threatened him if he ever came near her again. In reality (because I was there and I was a sneaky kid, hiding behind the door), Dad and R. had a conversation, perfectly civilized, with my dad saying "You know, I think you understand that I'm a bit uncomfortable with my 15 year old high school daughter dating a 20 year old guy who has his own apartment". That's all that was said. This is her building him up in her mind, jumping in too quickly, and exposing herself and her kids to yet another doomed relationship.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Is anyone reading this?
I don't really care if anyone is, because I just use this as my venting/ranting place. I was just thinking, though, that anyone who reads this must think I'm a total bitch, which couldn't be further from the truth. Well, maybe I'm a bit of a bitch. I'm definitely not the horrible negative person this blog portrays me as, though.
But, true to form, I have some things to complain about today, again. So what else is new?
I have this friend. We've been friends since 9th grade. Her parents were well-to-do, and she had that kind of attitude. I am not saying that all people who have been brought up privileged are this way, because I do know several people who grew up in affluent households whose parents raised them to be responsible, hardworking people who gave back to their communities. Not this girl. Her parents basically gave her anything she wanted. When she went to college, her parents paid for her tuition, her rent, her groceries, her clothes, everything. Thus she never had to work, her entire life.
She also didn't take university all that seriously. She first started out majoring in German, because she said she was fluent in German (she has a very inflated sense of her abilities - her fluency stemmed from her grandmother being from Germany, and her knowing a few phrases that her granny taught her). When she failed and was kicked out of that program, she moved to being fluent in French (she went to French Camp once in junior high). Failed and kicked out of that one, too. Of course none of this was ever her fault - she always had an excuse such as the professor didn't like her, the professor didn't really know anything and when she did things correctly he mistakenly thought she was doing it wrong, another professor didn't like her because she's so beautiful and the female prof felt threatened by her.
She finally decided (in her third year of college, with only about two credits to her name) to go into computer science. Fantastic. Very soon after starting the CS program, she started dating a CS genius who had graduated the year previous, and was now working for a new company and making very good money.
During her computer sci degree, she would ask her boyfriend to "help" her with her assignments and he would basically end up doing them. I know this because I am close friends with the boyfriend's best friend (3 'friend's in one sentence! fantastic!). Boyfriend was a bit frustrated at all this but this girl, she would walk all over him. Yes his fault for letting the relationship be this way but she was his first relationship. He didn't know how to assert himself, and she... did.
Anyway. Another friend of mine was working in CS at an actual IT/ software development company when this girl needed a work-study for her co op program. She knew him through me, and so he recommended her for a position there. After all, she was getting all A's in her program, so what harm? Apparently she treated everyone there as if they knew nothing and she was wonderful, but she messed up every program they had her work on. She also totally went against the non-disclosure contract she signed (they were developing software that is now really popular and vital to most peoples' computer usage- this was in the late 90s) by telling anyone and everyone about every project they were working on. AND, she continually hinted to her boyfriend that the boss of the company was hitting on her all the time.
So she finally graduated. She applied for a job at the place where she'd done her work-study but didn't get one. She said it was because she had spurned the boss' advances (she doesn't, of course, realize that the boss is gay). She did manage to get a job. She quit the job after three weeks, because she was being sexually harassed by the boss. Her parents were still paying her rent and everything, so it was alright. She eventually got another job, but again, interestingly enough, the boss there was sexually harassing her. She quit again. This happened two or three more times. Get a job, start working, boss sexually harasses you, quit. Funnily enough she never raised a complaint about any of these companies.
Then she married her boyfriend, who at this point was quite rich (she didn't hesitate to point this out - "I'm going to marry a millionaire!" "Oh, can you believe he's a millionaire?" - seriously the word "millionaire" was her favorite for a while). She decided to go back to school to become a marine biologist. She went for a year, thus not having to find a job, but also only passing two of the six classes she took. Unfortunately it turns out that these professors were just as stupid as her previous ones, and couldn't see that she's a genius and should have A's in every class.
Now, I'm not saying that my friend is stupid. She's not. She is quite intelligent. She did very well in high school. However she is not one who accepts that she gets things wrong, so if someone tries to correct her errors, she insists that she's right and they're wrong, and does nothing to modify what she's doing. It's very difficult to learn, if you think that you already know everything.
Anyway. When the school scheme didn't work out, she decided to have a child. All through her pregnancy she would call me and complain that she didn't want kids, it was her husband's idea, but that she sure as hell wasn't going back to work once this kid was born. She also had a ton of attention-seeking behavior going on. Five times in the first and second trimesters she was positive she was having a miscarriage and was in the ER. Not one of these times did she even have any bleeding. The child was moving. Twice she was rushed in via ambulance (which she called for herself). At my birthday party, two months before her due date, she "went into labor". Her water broke, she says. Seeing as she didn't give birth for another two months and wasn't on bed rest or anything in the interim, I'm going to say that she peed her pants. On my sofa. Fantastic.
I know that people go into early labor all the time. Maybe it was real. Having known her for nearly 20 years now, I'm thinking it was not.
Of course her child was born five days after the due date, two months later (the super-secret due date that she never told anyone, but the husband told me because he didn't realize that he wasn't supposed to tell anyone). And my friend STILL told everyone that the baby was premature. That the baby was so underweight (six pounds. Not huge, but not frail). So premature that the baby was unable to latch on to the breast and eat, so she fed him with an eyedropper. Meanwhile when the father gave him a bottle the first night (my friend was breastfeeding but was too "ill" to do so for the first two days after giving birth) he latched on and ate like a champ... but after that oh no, the child wasn't eating, this was terrible, eyedropper time. She got plenty of sympathy through this. The baby also lost quite a bit of weight but that helped to make her story look good.
My friend now has two children, a boy and a girl (yes, there was as much drama with the second child as with the first - and how many times did she tell me that she didn't want a second child, that her husband "had to have a girl"... if you don't want a second child, you don't have a second child; it's your body and if your husband is "forcing" you to have children then maybe you shouldn't be with him. I don't think this was the case though). She's officially a Stay At Home Mom. Which is great, if you can afford it, which they mostly can (they had to sell the $750 000 house she insisted on buying when they were first married, because the IT field isn't as lucrative as it once was, but her husband owned another, smaller house in a less-desirable neighborhood so they moved there but she was not happy about it) and if you are actually taking care of your children.
My friend spends her time reading, knitting, and watching TV, and the kids are ignored all day. Their house is a mess. They had a cleaning lady at one point, but had to give her up when they moved to the new house. Now it's a biohazard to walk into the kitchen. They have both had accidents - falling down stairs, swallowing things they shouldn't, drinking paint, the little boy sewed his finger with the sewing machine once - that could have been avoided had she been watching them. None of these accidents were my friend's fault though - why did her husband leave paint out (it was in the garage, on a shelf, but in a pop bottle because apparently that keeps paint fresher. How a three year old leaves the house and gets into the detached garage without someone noticing her leaving the house, I don't know)? Why didn't he unplug the sewing machine (it's her sewing machine, not his)? So on, so forth.
The husband is working from 7 am to 7 or 8 pm. He should be home more but needs to work these long hours in order to make the money to buy all the things she wants (the latest? a loom. A LOOM. Which she used twice, and hasn't been touched since, four months later).
On the knitting thing - I taught her to knit. It's now five years later and she is telling everyone she's been knitting since she was six. She lies about so many things. Once when I and a bunch of people were at her house she was telling us how she was a fantastic violinist - so fantastic that her grandfather left her his violin in his will, and she plays it every day. Someone asked her to play us something. She demurred at first, saying she didn't want to "bore" us. People insisted. She said she wasn't sure if the violin was in tune. More insisting, so she went upstairs to get it. She came back down 20 seconds later saying that she couldn't find the violin. You play something every day but you don't know where it is?
Her oldest child is now school age. Started kindergarten last year. Of course she chose a private school that would cater to her child's special needs. I've been around this kid alot. He's normal. He's not gifted. He's charming and cute, of average intelligence. He's a bit introverted, because his mother never had him socialize with other children. Off he went to school for a year. According to the husband's best friend, he enjoyed school, did well enough, had a bit of trouble at first mixing in because he'd never been around children other than his sister before, but eventually adapted and was happy.
The youngest child is close to school age (should start kindergarten next year). She had promised that once both kids were in school, she would go back to work. Over the summer, she decided that school wasn't the right place for her child - that he was too smart to be in a classroom with 20 other kids, that he needed a more specialized curriculum. So now she's homeschooling.
According to the husband's best friend, the husband told him that the tests that the little boy took last year with psychiatrists showed that he is of average intelligence. He's not gifted. He does a bit better with math than he does with verbal stuff. According to the husband's sister, the story that was told to *her* by my friend, the mom, is that the little boy is at a seventh-grade level in math (he's six), and that homeschooling is the best thing for him, especially since she (the mom) had been a gifted child in school and knew how he was feeling. (now to be honest I wouldn't be surprised if the kids are more able in some areas than others. Their mother is very intelligent, and their father actually *is* gifted, was skipped from third grade to sixth, because he's a frickin' genius).
She started the homeschooling a few weeks ago. It is not going well. Her kid doesn't want to listen to her. He's bored. She has him doing workbooks that she bought at costco. Nothing wrong with those as a supplement but seriously, sitting your kid down with a workbook, saying "do this" and walking away for an hour does not a homeschooler make. She says she's halfway through the year's math curriculum already, after three weeks. Meanwhile the other kid, the little girl, is also being ignored while Mom "teaches" the other one.
Homeschooling is hard work. It takes hours of planning. It takes so much discipline and imagination. It's not just workbooks and trips to the science center once a year.
I know, for someone without children of my own, that I'm being awfully judgmental. I just think that if you are having children, you should commit fully to them. If you're not able to homeschool because you're busy watching Buffy reruns, or because you're impatient, then don't homeschool. If you don't want to work, don't keep making up excuses or using your kids as a reason to stay home. Just say that you don't want to work. Sure, maybe your husband won't be happy with you, but hey, you could always go back to living off your parents.
But, true to form, I have some things to complain about today, again. So what else is new?
I have this friend. We've been friends since 9th grade. Her parents were well-to-do, and she had that kind of attitude. I am not saying that all people who have been brought up privileged are this way, because I do know several people who grew up in affluent households whose parents raised them to be responsible, hardworking people who gave back to their communities. Not this girl. Her parents basically gave her anything she wanted. When she went to college, her parents paid for her tuition, her rent, her groceries, her clothes, everything. Thus she never had to work, her entire life.
She also didn't take university all that seriously. She first started out majoring in German, because she said she was fluent in German (she has a very inflated sense of her abilities - her fluency stemmed from her grandmother being from Germany, and her knowing a few phrases that her granny taught her). When she failed and was kicked out of that program, she moved to being fluent in French (she went to French Camp once in junior high). Failed and kicked out of that one, too. Of course none of this was ever her fault - she always had an excuse such as the professor didn't like her, the professor didn't really know anything and when she did things correctly he mistakenly thought she was doing it wrong, another professor didn't like her because she's so beautiful and the female prof felt threatened by her.
She finally decided (in her third year of college, with only about two credits to her name) to go into computer science. Fantastic. Very soon after starting the CS program, she started dating a CS genius who had graduated the year previous, and was now working for a new company and making very good money.
During her computer sci degree, she would ask her boyfriend to "help" her with her assignments and he would basically end up doing them. I know this because I am close friends with the boyfriend's best friend (3 'friend's in one sentence! fantastic!). Boyfriend was a bit frustrated at all this but this girl, she would walk all over him. Yes his fault for letting the relationship be this way but she was his first relationship. He didn't know how to assert himself, and she... did.
Anyway. Another friend of mine was working in CS at an actual IT/ software development company when this girl needed a work-study for her co op program. She knew him through me, and so he recommended her for a position there. After all, she was getting all A's in her program, so what harm? Apparently she treated everyone there as if they knew nothing and she was wonderful, but she messed up every program they had her work on. She also totally went against the non-disclosure contract she signed (they were developing software that is now really popular and vital to most peoples' computer usage- this was in the late 90s) by telling anyone and everyone about every project they were working on. AND, she continually hinted to her boyfriend that the boss of the company was hitting on her all the time.
So she finally graduated. She applied for a job at the place where she'd done her work-study but didn't get one. She said it was because she had spurned the boss' advances (she doesn't, of course, realize that the boss is gay). She did manage to get a job. She quit the job after three weeks, because she was being sexually harassed by the boss. Her parents were still paying her rent and everything, so it was alright. She eventually got another job, but again, interestingly enough, the boss there was sexually harassing her. She quit again. This happened two or three more times. Get a job, start working, boss sexually harasses you, quit. Funnily enough she never raised a complaint about any of these companies.
Then she married her boyfriend, who at this point was quite rich (she didn't hesitate to point this out - "I'm going to marry a millionaire!" "Oh, can you believe he's a millionaire?" - seriously the word "millionaire" was her favorite for a while). She decided to go back to school to become a marine biologist. She went for a year, thus not having to find a job, but also only passing two of the six classes she took. Unfortunately it turns out that these professors were just as stupid as her previous ones, and couldn't see that she's a genius and should have A's in every class.
Now, I'm not saying that my friend is stupid. She's not. She is quite intelligent. She did very well in high school. However she is not one who accepts that she gets things wrong, so if someone tries to correct her errors, she insists that she's right and they're wrong, and does nothing to modify what she's doing. It's very difficult to learn, if you think that you already know everything.
Anyway. When the school scheme didn't work out, she decided to have a child. All through her pregnancy she would call me and complain that she didn't want kids, it was her husband's idea, but that she sure as hell wasn't going back to work once this kid was born. She also had a ton of attention-seeking behavior going on. Five times in the first and second trimesters she was positive she was having a miscarriage and was in the ER. Not one of these times did she even have any bleeding. The child was moving. Twice she was rushed in via ambulance (which she called for herself). At my birthday party, two months before her due date, she "went into labor". Her water broke, she says. Seeing as she didn't give birth for another two months and wasn't on bed rest or anything in the interim, I'm going to say that she peed her pants. On my sofa. Fantastic.
I know that people go into early labor all the time. Maybe it was real. Having known her for nearly 20 years now, I'm thinking it was not.
Of course her child was born five days after the due date, two months later (the super-secret due date that she never told anyone, but the husband told me because he didn't realize that he wasn't supposed to tell anyone). And my friend STILL told everyone that the baby was premature. That the baby was so underweight (six pounds. Not huge, but not frail). So premature that the baby was unable to latch on to the breast and eat, so she fed him with an eyedropper. Meanwhile when the father gave him a bottle the first night (my friend was breastfeeding but was too "ill" to do so for the first two days after giving birth) he latched on and ate like a champ... but after that oh no, the child wasn't eating, this was terrible, eyedropper time. She got plenty of sympathy through this. The baby also lost quite a bit of weight but that helped to make her story look good.
My friend now has two children, a boy and a girl (yes, there was as much drama with the second child as with the first - and how many times did she tell me that she didn't want a second child, that her husband "had to have a girl"... if you don't want a second child, you don't have a second child; it's your body and if your husband is "forcing" you to have children then maybe you shouldn't be with him. I don't think this was the case though). She's officially a Stay At Home Mom. Which is great, if you can afford it, which they mostly can (they had to sell the $750 000 house she insisted on buying when they were first married, because the IT field isn't as lucrative as it once was, but her husband owned another, smaller house in a less-desirable neighborhood so they moved there but she was not happy about it) and if you are actually taking care of your children.
My friend spends her time reading, knitting, and watching TV, and the kids are ignored all day. Their house is a mess. They had a cleaning lady at one point, but had to give her up when they moved to the new house. Now it's a biohazard to walk into the kitchen. They have both had accidents - falling down stairs, swallowing things they shouldn't, drinking paint, the little boy sewed his finger with the sewing machine once - that could have been avoided had she been watching them. None of these accidents were my friend's fault though - why did her husband leave paint out (it was in the garage, on a shelf, but in a pop bottle because apparently that keeps paint fresher. How a three year old leaves the house and gets into the detached garage without someone noticing her leaving the house, I don't know)? Why didn't he unplug the sewing machine (it's her sewing machine, not his)? So on, so forth.
The husband is working from 7 am to 7 or 8 pm. He should be home more but needs to work these long hours in order to make the money to buy all the things she wants (the latest? a loom. A LOOM. Which she used twice, and hasn't been touched since, four months later).
On the knitting thing - I taught her to knit. It's now five years later and she is telling everyone she's been knitting since she was six. She lies about so many things. Once when I and a bunch of people were at her house she was telling us how she was a fantastic violinist - so fantastic that her grandfather left her his violin in his will, and she plays it every day. Someone asked her to play us something. She demurred at first, saying she didn't want to "bore" us. People insisted. She said she wasn't sure if the violin was in tune. More insisting, so she went upstairs to get it. She came back down 20 seconds later saying that she couldn't find the violin. You play something every day but you don't know where it is?
Her oldest child is now school age. Started kindergarten last year. Of course she chose a private school that would cater to her child's special needs. I've been around this kid alot. He's normal. He's not gifted. He's charming and cute, of average intelligence. He's a bit introverted, because his mother never had him socialize with other children. Off he went to school for a year. According to the husband's best friend, he enjoyed school, did well enough, had a bit of trouble at first mixing in because he'd never been around children other than his sister before, but eventually adapted and was happy.
The youngest child is close to school age (should start kindergarten next year). She had promised that once both kids were in school, she would go back to work. Over the summer, she decided that school wasn't the right place for her child - that he was too smart to be in a classroom with 20 other kids, that he needed a more specialized curriculum. So now she's homeschooling.
According to the husband's best friend, the husband told him that the tests that the little boy took last year with psychiatrists showed that he is of average intelligence. He's not gifted. He does a bit better with math than he does with verbal stuff. According to the husband's sister, the story that was told to *her* by my friend, the mom, is that the little boy is at a seventh-grade level in math (he's six), and that homeschooling is the best thing for him, especially since she (the mom) had been a gifted child in school and knew how he was feeling. (now to be honest I wouldn't be surprised if the kids are more able in some areas than others. Their mother is very intelligent, and their father actually *is* gifted, was skipped from third grade to sixth, because he's a frickin' genius).
She started the homeschooling a few weeks ago. It is not going well. Her kid doesn't want to listen to her. He's bored. She has him doing workbooks that she bought at costco. Nothing wrong with those as a supplement but seriously, sitting your kid down with a workbook, saying "do this" and walking away for an hour does not a homeschooler make. She says she's halfway through the year's math curriculum already, after three weeks. Meanwhile the other kid, the little girl, is also being ignored while Mom "teaches" the other one.
Homeschooling is hard work. It takes hours of planning. It takes so much discipline and imagination. It's not just workbooks and trips to the science center once a year.
I know, for someone without children of my own, that I'm being awfully judgmental. I just think that if you are having children, you should commit fully to them. If you're not able to homeschool because you're busy watching Buffy reruns, or because you're impatient, then don't homeschool. If you don't want to work, don't keep making up excuses or using your kids as a reason to stay home. Just say that you don't want to work. Sure, maybe your husband won't be happy with you, but hey, you could always go back to living off your parents.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
My mother is an idiot.
I love her. She gave birth to me. She also has absolutely no tact and ever since she got on the Internet she has lost her mind.
Sure, when EVERYONE got the Internet (back in 1995) they lost their minds a little bit - forwarding surveys, actually believing emails about Bill Gates giving us each a million dollars if we signed our name at the bottom of the page and sent it on, etc. etc. But when my mom got the Internet (in 2001), she REALLY lost it. Seven years later, she's still forwarding surveys. She still actually believes that Bill Gates will give her a million dollars if she signs her name at the bottom of the page and sends it on. Her latest kick is that there is a (very small) group of people who are "online protesting" the government's proposed rollback of military pensions. Before even checking to see if it's a rumour or the truth, she went batshit insane and signed my brother's, sister's, and my names (plus all of our respective spouses and my sister's son who is 18) AND ADDRESSES to ... I don't even know what it was. Whatever it was got us all on a mailing list though. She contacted the head of the group and volunteered herself to translate his entire web page/any letters he may have to send for him.
The only problem is, she has horrible spelling and grammar in this other language (it's her native language, yes, but she only got through 10th grade, then left to join the military, and then learned English, and finished school in English... and it's been over 40 years since she's been in school, so I guess it's understandable), so what she does is, she takes half an hour translate it with Babelfish or something, then sends it to me, and I (because I also am an idiot and an obedient child who really does appreciate everything her parents have done for her in her life and although I'm venting here, and have tried to get her to be more careful of her Internet exploits in the past, figure this is keeping her busy as long as it doesn't get her arrested) spend the next four hours combing through this 9-page document and basically rewriting it, trying to figure out what it is supposed to say because holy crap, online translators don't do it right.
But that? That is not what has upset me today. No, what upset me today is that she and I were having an MSN conversation about her calling to ask my uncle (who has always been my favorite uncle, and is also my godfather, and is the most like me in my father's family) if he was going to be able to do something as a favor to me which involved driving for 5 hours. A HUGE favour. Not something that I would ask myself, seeing as he's 52 and... I don't know, it seems like a lot to ask of people... but she insisted. Unfortunately at that point the Internet went out and she couldn't tell me the results of her call to him.
SO, this morning, I receive an email.
"Well, your Uncle ___ can't do it because he has a brain tumor and is waiting to see the specialist. I'll check and see if I can find someone else".
HELLO.
THIS IS NOT THE TYPE OF THING YOU TELL SOMEONE VIA EMAIL. Especially in such a throwaway manner.
Of course this is the woman who, when my grandmother was dying in hospital, asked (not maliciously, completely well-meaning) if my father could go take a nap in grandma's bed at her house (she lived with my uncle, and admittedly, after an 8-hour drive through a blizzard to get there, my father was exhausted). And added "I mean, it's not like she'll be using her bed".
I think it's a combination of not being all that fluent in English, plus having absolutely no internal editor. She does not think before she speaks, and even less so when she types.
I'm talking to her on MSN right now. Turns out she's known about this tumor business since June, and "forgot" to tell me.
Sure, when EVERYONE got the Internet (back in 1995) they lost their minds a little bit - forwarding surveys, actually believing emails about Bill Gates giving us each a million dollars if we signed our name at the bottom of the page and sent it on, etc. etc. But when my mom got the Internet (in 2001), she REALLY lost it. Seven years later, she's still forwarding surveys. She still actually believes that Bill Gates will give her a million dollars if she signs her name at the bottom of the page and sends it on. Her latest kick is that there is a (very small) group of people who are "online protesting" the government's proposed rollback of military pensions. Before even checking to see if it's a rumour or the truth, she went batshit insane and signed my brother's, sister's, and my names (plus all of our respective spouses and my sister's son who is 18) AND ADDRESSES to ... I don't even know what it was. Whatever it was got us all on a mailing list though. She contacted the head of the group and volunteered herself to translate his entire web page/any letters he may have to send for him.
The only problem is, she has horrible spelling and grammar in this other language (it's her native language, yes, but she only got through 10th grade, then left to join the military, and then learned English, and finished school in English... and it's been over 40 years since she's been in school, so I guess it's understandable), so what she does is, she takes half an hour translate it with Babelfish or something, then sends it to me, and I (because I also am an idiot and an obedient child who really does appreciate everything her parents have done for her in her life and although I'm venting here, and have tried to get her to be more careful of her Internet exploits in the past, figure this is keeping her busy as long as it doesn't get her arrested) spend the next four hours combing through this 9-page document and basically rewriting it, trying to figure out what it is supposed to say because holy crap, online translators don't do it right.
But that? That is not what has upset me today. No, what upset me today is that she and I were having an MSN conversation about her calling to ask my uncle (who has always been my favorite uncle, and is also my godfather, and is the most like me in my father's family) if he was going to be able to do something as a favor to me which involved driving for 5 hours. A HUGE favour. Not something that I would ask myself, seeing as he's 52 and... I don't know, it seems like a lot to ask of people... but she insisted. Unfortunately at that point the Internet went out and she couldn't tell me the results of her call to him.
SO, this morning, I receive an email.
"Well, your Uncle ___ can't do it because he has a brain tumor and is waiting to see the specialist. I'll check and see if I can find someone else".
HELLO.
THIS IS NOT THE TYPE OF THING YOU TELL SOMEONE VIA EMAIL. Especially in such a throwaway manner.
Of course this is the woman who, when my grandmother was dying in hospital, asked (not maliciously, completely well-meaning) if my father could go take a nap in grandma's bed at her house (she lived with my uncle, and admittedly, after an 8-hour drive through a blizzard to get there, my father was exhausted). And added "I mean, it's not like she'll be using her bed".
I think it's a combination of not being all that fluent in English, plus having absolutely no internal editor. She does not think before she speaks, and even less so when she types.
I'm talking to her on MSN right now. Turns out she's known about this tumor business since June, and "forgot" to tell me.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Husband,
I love you more than life itself. I realize that you are very depressed right now what with this entire situation. I know that you hate it here. But sleeping all day and leaving me to deal with the world is really really not good. It's bad enough that there isn't a bed for us to sleep in together - but it would be great if we could at least be in the same room at the same time, sleeping, even though one of us is on the floor and the other's on the cot.
I know it's not me, you've come up to me so many times and told me how if I wasn't here you'd be ready to smack people. I know it's because you don't want to deal with the stressful stuff in the world, so you stay up all night and sleep all day I know you're bored here and can only watch TV at night when everyone else is asleep because all they want to watch is General Hospital and One Life to Live. But the thing is, it's ME who has to deal with everything because of your avoidance. I'm the one who has to answer to "Why's he still sleeping? Go wake him up!" and "why didn't you tell him to go to bed last night?" And I miss you. I miss you alot.
I love you more than life itself. I realize that you are very depressed right now what with this entire situation. I know that you hate it here. But sleeping all day and leaving me to deal with the world is really really not good. It's bad enough that there isn't a bed for us to sleep in together - but it would be great if we could at least be in the same room at the same time, sleeping, even though one of us is on the floor and the other's on the cot.
I know it's not me, you've come up to me so many times and told me how if I wasn't here you'd be ready to smack people. I know it's because you don't want to deal with the stressful stuff in the world, so you stay up all night and sleep all day I know you're bored here and can only watch TV at night when everyone else is asleep because all they want to watch is General Hospital and One Life to Live. But the thing is, it's ME who has to deal with everything because of your avoidance. I'm the one who has to answer to "Why's he still sleeping? Go wake him up!" and "why didn't you tell him to go to bed last night?" And I miss you. I miss you alot.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Dear Mother-In-Law
You are a greedy, self-centered woman.
That's not to say that you don't do nice things for others... but you totally expect glory and profuse thanks for it. It's never out of selfless altruism. You're also extremely inappropriate and make me feel uncomfortable and insufficient on a regular basis.
Examples from the past week:
"Oh, that's a nice camera you have. I'm glad you got it because when you get a new one, I get that one!"
Because we gave you our last camera when we got this one. We plan on having this one for awhile, though, because we are not rich. And it cost nearly $500. Which we SAVED UP FOR A YEAR in order to purchase. So don't hold your breath waiting for this one, no matter how much you "wants it" (your words).
(to me, about various clothes that I've brought on this trip) "Wow, that's a nice top/pair of pants/etc etc. That would look SO good on me. You know, you should leave those for me when you leave. You can buy more when you get home". (actually, again, not rich. Plus you're about three sizes larger than I am)(not that that stops you from wearing clothing that's the same size as mine).
My husband (your son's) birthday was today. Two days ago, after complaining for two hours about how sick you are (you have sniffles. Meanwhile my husband is throwing up - but you're not concerned about that), you started complaining about how you supposed you'd have to bake him a cake, after working an admittedly long shift. I told you I'd gladly make the cake. You gave me the dirtiest look, and said "I haven't gotten to bake him a cake in years. Let me at least do it this time!" Oh yes, because I stole your little boy away, forcing him to move hundreds of miles away from you. Newsflash: He was miserable here. He doesn't even want to visit you, but I insist. I'll think a lot harder about it next time.
So, even though I've been home for the past three days with nothing to do, and you've been working or sleeping or out with friends, I left the cake for you to make, because you insisted. You finally decided to bust out the no-name brand cake mix at about 6 pm today. You added the water and egg, you poured it into the cake pan. You put it in the oven. Then you sat on the couch, having me check it, take it out of the oven, make the icing (by the way, your icing recipe isn't as good as you think it is, but you insisted that I use your recipe - not that I would have tried otherwise. I know how to be polite - I don't like eating things with raw flour in them), ice the cake, put the candles on, light them... and then you came into the kitchen, brought the cake out, and set it in front of your son. And proceeded to act as though you'd been slaving over a hot oven for three days. Actual words, when he had just barely blown out the candles: "Aren't you going to thank me? You wouldn't have had a cake if I hadn't thought of it".
You treat your husband like your own personal StepNFetchit. He brings you a full plate of lunch. "I wants a different knife!". He jumps up and gets it for you. "Where's my drink?" He jumps up and gets it for you. "Bring me a smoke!" He jumps up and gets it for you. Smoking at the table, while 3 other people haven't finished eating yet makes for a fantastic dining experience, by the way. But then, you're grabbing choice bits of food off our plates ("Oh, I wanted that piece of {whatever}" - fork stab) so we don't have that much left to eat anyway.
You lie. YOU LIE. Okay, maybe you just exaggerate. You over-dramatize everything. I went grocery shopping with you. The total was $191. You gave the cashier $200. She gave you $9 back. When we got home, as soon as you saw your husband you started going on about how the total had been $181 and the cashier had short-changed you by $10. Not realizing what you were trying to do, I piped up with "I thought it was $191 - do you have the receipt?" You shot me the dirtiest look, all while shoving the receipt (which had been in your hand) into your pocket. "No, it was $181, I remember! And she not only shortchanged me, she kept the receipt!" I should have left it there, but I feigned concern, asking if you wanted me to drive you back to the store. Then I was given the Look of Death, and told that no, even if you did go back, they'd just lie.
Then you got on to phone every person you know and raked the poor cashier (one of your cousins) over the coals, talked about her personal life, said how she probably is shortchanging everyone who comes into the store and how by the end of the day she must have an extra $200 in her pocket.
Husband's friend had a hunting accident and nearly had to have one leg amputated. As it is, the leg is useless, he's on crutches for the rest of his life, and is in severe pain at all times. Your take on it? He tried to commit suicide and his wife is only staying with him for the disability payments.
And then this morning, in the middle of one of our (your - I never get a word in edgewise) long, LONG conversations about all the horrible things that have happened to you in your life, you say "I don't understand why (something) happened. I mean, no one would EVER say that I put bad karma out there..."
Yeah. Right.
Your neighbor was over visiting the other day. She asked us when we'd be producing a baby, as people do. Neighbour doesn't know that I'm having some infertility issues. You DO know, because you went through my prescriptions (!!!) and found the fertility medication, and asked what they were (your excuse: You were looking for your migraine medications. How your migraine meds would be in my makeup case in a bottle from a pharmacy that doesn't even exist around here, is beyond me). I don't really want to advertise to the world what's going on - it's private. Husband has a pretty pat answer for it: "We're trying, we'll see when it happens".
And then you added your two cents worth:
"Well, you're not trying that hard. I haven't heard a SOUND coming from that room the past three nights!"
Inappropriate. And kind of creepy.
And then I heard you on the phone with that same neighbor later on, when you thought I was outside. Talking about how I'm taking fertility drugs. Saying how you didn't understand why I'd want to do that; there's no reason to "try" to have babies, that people need to "just relax" and it will "just happen".
Okay lady. Just because you got pregnant at 18 on your first try doesn't mean that everyone can. I'm 32 years old. I have genuine medical issues. I don't ovulate. So hell yes we're trying, and yes I need to take the medication in order to actually have the materials to make a baby with.
On the topic of our possible future child: You cannot "order" us to have a girl. We will have what we will have. When my husband says that he wouldn't mind a boy, it's no use for you to holler at him. If we are lucky enough to have a child, and if it turns out to be a boy, I will not "cry for weeks" as you have declared that you will. If we do have a girl, we will not name her the stupid name you have picked out that you wanted to name your son until it turned out he was a boy. By the way, constantly telling your son how upset you were that he was a boy, and how for a month afterward you cried because you had really wanted a girl and had to buy "ugly boys' clothes" instead of the "pretty girl clothes" you wanted - and the fact that you actually dressed him in girl clothes? Not the best idea.
And finally - I get it. You don't like the color green. You don't like it, you would never paint a room in your house green, you would never own a green car, bla, bla, bla, bla. So when I come out of the bedroom wearing a green t-shirt, I don't need to hear that you would never buy a green shirt, let alone wear one. I don't need to hear that you don't understand how anyone could ever want to wear such a horrible color.
Hey, at least I know this is one item of my clothing that you're not planning on stealing.
That's not to say that you don't do nice things for others... but you totally expect glory and profuse thanks for it. It's never out of selfless altruism. You're also extremely inappropriate and make me feel uncomfortable and insufficient on a regular basis.
Examples from the past week:
"Oh, that's a nice camera you have. I'm glad you got it because when you get a new one, I get that one!"
Because we gave you our last camera when we got this one. We plan on having this one for awhile, though, because we are not rich. And it cost nearly $500. Which we SAVED UP FOR A YEAR in order to purchase. So don't hold your breath waiting for this one, no matter how much you "wants it" (your words).
(to me, about various clothes that I've brought on this trip) "Wow, that's a nice top/pair of pants/etc etc. That would look SO good on me. You know, you should leave those for me when you leave. You can buy more when you get home". (actually, again, not rich. Plus you're about three sizes larger than I am)(not that that stops you from wearing clothing that's the same size as mine).
My husband (your son's) birthday was today. Two days ago, after complaining for two hours about how sick you are (you have sniffles. Meanwhile my husband is throwing up - but you're not concerned about that), you started complaining about how you supposed you'd have to bake him a cake, after working an admittedly long shift. I told you I'd gladly make the cake. You gave me the dirtiest look, and said "I haven't gotten to bake him a cake in years. Let me at least do it this time!" Oh yes, because I stole your little boy away, forcing him to move hundreds of miles away from you. Newsflash: He was miserable here. He doesn't even want to visit you, but I insist. I'll think a lot harder about it next time.
So, even though I've been home for the past three days with nothing to do, and you've been working or sleeping or out with friends, I left the cake for you to make, because you insisted. You finally decided to bust out the no-name brand cake mix at about 6 pm today. You added the water and egg, you poured it into the cake pan. You put it in the oven. Then you sat on the couch, having me check it, take it out of the oven, make the icing (by the way, your icing recipe isn't as good as you think it is, but you insisted that I use your recipe - not that I would have tried otherwise. I know how to be polite - I don't like eating things with raw flour in them), ice the cake, put the candles on, light them... and then you came into the kitchen, brought the cake out, and set it in front of your son. And proceeded to act as though you'd been slaving over a hot oven for three days. Actual words, when he had just barely blown out the candles: "Aren't you going to thank me? You wouldn't have had a cake if I hadn't thought of it".
You treat your husband like your own personal StepNFetchit. He brings you a full plate of lunch. "I wants a different knife!". He jumps up and gets it for you. "Where's my drink?" He jumps up and gets it for you. "Bring me a smoke!" He jumps up and gets it for you. Smoking at the table, while 3 other people haven't finished eating yet makes for a fantastic dining experience, by the way. But then, you're grabbing choice bits of food off our plates ("Oh, I wanted that piece of {whatever}" - fork stab) so we don't have that much left to eat anyway.
You lie. YOU LIE. Okay, maybe you just exaggerate. You over-dramatize everything. I went grocery shopping with you. The total was $191. You gave the cashier $200. She gave you $9 back. When we got home, as soon as you saw your husband you started going on about how the total had been $181 and the cashier had short-changed you by $10. Not realizing what you were trying to do, I piped up with "I thought it was $191 - do you have the receipt?" You shot me the dirtiest look, all while shoving the receipt (which had been in your hand) into your pocket. "No, it was $181, I remember! And she not only shortchanged me, she kept the receipt!" I should have left it there, but I feigned concern, asking if you wanted me to drive you back to the store. Then I was given the Look of Death, and told that no, even if you did go back, they'd just lie.
Then you got on to phone every person you know and raked the poor cashier (one of your cousins) over the coals, talked about her personal life, said how she probably is shortchanging everyone who comes into the store and how by the end of the day she must have an extra $200 in her pocket.
Husband's friend had a hunting accident and nearly had to have one leg amputated. As it is, the leg is useless, he's on crutches for the rest of his life, and is in severe pain at all times. Your take on it? He tried to commit suicide and his wife is only staying with him for the disability payments.
And then this morning, in the middle of one of our (your - I never get a word in edgewise) long, LONG conversations about all the horrible things that have happened to you in your life, you say "I don't understand why (something) happened. I mean, no one would EVER say that I put bad karma out there..."
Yeah. Right.
Your neighbor was over visiting the other day. She asked us when we'd be producing a baby, as people do. Neighbour doesn't know that I'm having some infertility issues. You DO know, because you went through my prescriptions (!!!) and found the fertility medication, and asked what they were (your excuse: You were looking for your migraine medications. How your migraine meds would be in my makeup case in a bottle from a pharmacy that doesn't even exist around here, is beyond me). I don't really want to advertise to the world what's going on - it's private. Husband has a pretty pat answer for it: "We're trying, we'll see when it happens".
And then you added your two cents worth:
"Well, you're not trying that hard. I haven't heard a SOUND coming from that room the past three nights!"
Inappropriate. And kind of creepy.
And then I heard you on the phone with that same neighbor later on, when you thought I was outside. Talking about how I'm taking fertility drugs. Saying how you didn't understand why I'd want to do that; there's no reason to "try" to have babies, that people need to "just relax" and it will "just happen".
Okay lady. Just because you got pregnant at 18 on your first try doesn't mean that everyone can. I'm 32 years old. I have genuine medical issues. I don't ovulate. So hell yes we're trying, and yes I need to take the medication in order to actually have the materials to make a baby with.
On the topic of our possible future child: You cannot "order" us to have a girl. We will have what we will have. When my husband says that he wouldn't mind a boy, it's no use for you to holler at him. If we are lucky enough to have a child, and if it turns out to be a boy, I will not "cry for weeks" as you have declared that you will. If we do have a girl, we will not name her the stupid name you have picked out that you wanted to name your son until it turned out he was a boy. By the way, constantly telling your son how upset you were that he was a boy, and how for a month afterward you cried because you had really wanted a girl and had to buy "ugly boys' clothes" instead of the "pretty girl clothes" you wanted - and the fact that you actually dressed him in girl clothes? Not the best idea.
And finally - I get it. You don't like the color green. You don't like it, you would never paint a room in your house green, you would never own a green car, bla, bla, bla, bla. So when I come out of the bedroom wearing a green t-shirt, I don't need to hear that you would never buy a green shirt, let alone wear one. I don't need to hear that you don't understand how anyone could ever want to wear such a horrible color.
Hey, at least I know this is one item of my clothing that you're not planning on stealing.
First Post
I've been blogging for years. As my regular blog has gotten more popular (and less popular, these things wax and wane - where I used to get at least 10 - 15 comments per post, now I'm lucky if I get one), my anonymity has dwindled. Not that that's a horrible thing - I've met some fantastic people through blogging, but there is definitely a downside. I can't properly sound off. My husband and some of his coworkers read my blog. Other people that I know read my blog. My mom has found it in the past, although me blocking her IP seems to have discouraged her reading.
My job is a fairly public one; if any of my coworkers were to stumble onto my blog, if I were writing the things I really wanted to there, I could very easily lose my job, or at least a huge amount of credibility.
So, I've started this blog to just be able to vent. I'm not going to tell anyone I know about it (blogwise or real-life wise). If people read it, people read it. I won't apologize for the way I'm feeling when I write things. I won't think of "Oh, maybe I should put a positive spin on this!". None of it.
My job is a fairly public one; if any of my coworkers were to stumble onto my blog, if I were writing the things I really wanted to there, I could very easily lose my job, or at least a huge amount of credibility.
So, I've started this blog to just be able to vent. I'm not going to tell anyone I know about it (blogwise or real-life wise). If people read it, people read it. I won't apologize for the way I'm feeling when I write things. I won't think of "Oh, maybe I should put a positive spin on this!". None of it.
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